The adventures of Driving Instructor Man
By PHIL PSEUDONYM
8:15 Tuesday morning. The car has still not moved an inch. I take a sip from my now seriously stressed Styrofoam cup.

In defense of flag-waving
You might think the recent displays of nationalism are excessive, but there is nothing wrong with waving the flag, even if patriotism means support for military action. [09/30/01]

Green Eggs and Ham=Buttfucking
An offensive but convincing (and quite brief) decoding of the Seuss classic

Letter from NYC
By DJUNA WAHLRAB
A student from New York shares her experiences of 9/11. [09/17/01]

Car Story 2
By RACHEL EVE RADWAY
The tale of the missing gearshift, and other adventures of a later learner. [08/22/01]

A distant death
You know those paralyzed people who paint pictures holding brushes in their mouths? Uncle Shotaro wasn't like that. [07/21/01]

Olivia, in memoriam
By GARLAND A. WITHERS
Cool redemption and quiet joy in a circle of long-neglected San Francisco houseplants. [05/23/01]

Two cheers for Al Jolson
A novel defense of the infamous blackface singer, written (God knows why) in this, like, totally stick-in-ass, academic style.

Capsule reviews of three random things
A really old novel by Jane Smiley, a recent concert by Glen Campbell, and a timeless vaporizer manual from the Sunmark Corporation.[05/16/01]

Let's ask the opera expert about Charlotte Church
The teen singing sensation from Wales is loved throughout the world. How good is her singing, really? And more importantly, is she evil? [05/08/01]

The Buddha and irony
By WILLIS STOESZ
Have you heard the one about the the dead child, the grieving mother, and the mustard seed?
[05/01/01]

Can we be clear on race?
Is it possible to say anything on the topic of race that 1) doesn't piss someone off and 2) isn't a platitude? We wade into the thicket of bitter accusations in the wake of Seattle's Fat Tuesday riot.
[04/24/01]

Stankonia bound
By BRAD LEVETT
Large asses and other, better reasons to head for the land described in the latest album from Outkast.
[04/24/01]

The best books of 2000
"We didn't read any books published in the year 2000 ... "
[02/01/01]

When bad haiku happens to bad people
Our man loses his composure in the face of poetry in public places. The peanut gallery ponders his hidden motives. An apology in the form of a diatribe.
[02/01/01]

Taking aim at the New Yorker
Can the stick be removed from this magazine's ass? Only if they read this.
[02/01/01]

The mighty Glen Campbell
Hey, wake up! PJ Harvey is shit! Bow down before the greatest American singer you ever ignored.
[02/01/01]