August 30, 2004

I spotted these, the worst shorts I ever saw, on August 16, 2004, in the International District of Seattle, Washington. The key features of these shorts:

A. Pleats
Some people think pleats are okay, but these people are wrong. Pleats make your pants puff out like a croissant. A bad idea on pants, pleats are criminal on shorts. But let's leave their horribleness aside, and focus instead on the fact that pleats are supposed to be for fit, and these shorts were billowing on their victim like a sheet on a clothesline.

B. Length
The shorts guy was tall, but these shorts hung down well below his knees. Their length was easily three fifths of his legs, maybe more. Combined with their volume (see above), the length of the shorts made them an overwhelming force, and the only feature of their wearer that registered at all. His torso and face, his very identity, was blotted out by his shorts.

C. Color
A washed out yellow, like a bleached lemon. A thoroughly ill, enervating color that, waving like a flag on the shorts, said, "There is no use even trying. I have given up and so should you."