October 11, 2004

From Katie Doemland:

When I was younger, I used to worry, "What if I have an ugly baby?" My mom would say, "Oh, don't worry; you'll love it anyway. In fact, you'll love it so much you won't even know it's ugly. Because it won't be ugly to YOU." And I'd say, "Well, yeah, if I had an ugly baby, of course I'd LOVE it, but I'll still know it was ugly. How could I not?"
      Well. The Ugliest Cat in the Whole Wide World is now getting even uglier, thanks to a hematoma in his ear flap, or, in layman's terms, a big ol' swollen ear. You can either treat the hematoma (which makes the ear look like one of those overinflated plastic pillow thingies Amazon.com uses instead of bubble wrap) by putting in a shunt to drain the fluid, or by waiting for the swelling to go down on its own, a process that takes several weeks. Either way, the kitty ends up with a permanent cauliflower ear.
      A swollen ear, once it's actually swollen, doesn't hurt, so I opted for the for the passive treatment (which is to say, no treatment). I don't know what I thought "cauliflower ear" meant, but I am dismayed to find that, as the ear tissue is shrinking, it's also shriveling. And wrinkling. And ending up all dessicated-looking. The shriveling is permanent.
      Not that I care, aesthetically. The point is, when I look at Puffy, I see a cute kitty, and it can only be love that makes me think he looks anything less than horrifying. I know this because when my friends from out of town visit, they always say, "Jesus God! Look at that poor cat! Why the hell haven't you put him down yet?"
      And I stand there, bewildered, and I say, "What? Why?" And then, all in an instant, I see Puffy with that freaky clarity you get when you suddenly see your surroundings with the fresh eyes of an outsider, and I realize that he is fucking FRIGHTENING. But he's happy and affectionate and cuddly and purring, and how can you put a cat to sleep just because he's ugly?
      Point being: I think my mom was right. It IS possible to have an ugly baby and not only love it, but fail to realize (or forget, if you do realize it) that it's ugly. Because I can't even tell my CAT is a monster until someone reminds me.