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TH E DA I L Y HA M M E R
Muriel Spark
May 21, 2006
In the one month and five days since Muriel Spark died, I have read six of her novels and invented a cocktail in her honor, the Muriel Spark. The six novels are:
Loitering with Intent
The Bachelors
A Far Cry from Kensington
Symposium
Robinson
Paddington Station
The Finishing School
I said six, but that's seven titles because I made one of them up. I won't say which (it's Paddington Station). The recipe for the cocktail is:
A whole bunch of vodka
Just a bit of grapefruit juice
Not very much Triple Sec
Shake with plenty of ice, strain into a chilled martini glass.
One of the blurbs on the back of one the novels said, "Reading her work is like savoring a strong cup tea: it's brisk and refreshing, but also biting." Like all blurbs on the backs of all books, this one is true. Except that reading Muriel Spark is not like drinking tea. It's like drinking a Muriel Spark. You should always drink Muriel Sparks while reading Muriel Spark. How many? Not sure. To be on the safe side, drink one per chapter.
"What are you going to drink tonight?" a co-worker asked me on Friday. "Oh, a few Muriel Sparks," I said. "You just like saying that, don't you," he said. Of course I do. Who wouldn't?
Like Muriel Spark herself, my cocktail has been named a Dame of the British Empire.
I have donned a black jumpsuit and ski mask and dropped through ceilings to press All the Stories of Muriel Spark into the hands of dear friends.
I could say that Muriel Spark's books are dry and brutally funny in a British way, but that would make you picture something familiar and smug, not surprising and daring. You could that she was postmodern before postmodernism existed, but if you are the dreary sort of person who goes around talking about postmodernism, her books are not for you.
Short passages cannot give an adequate flavor of an entire book. Here are some short passages:
I don't know why I thought of Dottie as my friend but I did. I believe she thought the same way about me although she didn't really like me. In those days, among the people I mixed with, one had friends almost by predestination. There they were, like your winter coat and your meager luggage. You didn't think of discarding them just because you didn't altogether like them. Life on the intellectual fringe in 1949 was a universe by itself. It was something like life in Eastern Europe today.
—Loitering with Intent
Robinson lit distress signals every night but when, two nights later, the searchers returned, a torrent of rain had quenched the flares. On both occasions the plane had retreated quickly out of the mist, fearful of our mountain. There was nothing but to wait for the pomegranate boat in August. —Robinson
It is always the same with people who make a fetish of self-control: they strike the most histrionic attitudes. —Robinson
Ewart Robinson suddenly had the desire to ring off. The act of gossiping with her over the telephone was a need, but the need was fulfilled in the act. He did not like it when the conversation seemed to be getting somewhere. —The Bachelors
"He's a pisseur de copie," I said, and I said it because I couldn't help it. It just came out.
"Oh, God!" said Emma. "That epithet of yours. It's going the rounds and it's ruining Hector's career. I'm not claiming he's a genius, but—"
"What was that you said, Mrs. Hawkins?" said Sir Alec. Colin Shoe looked up at the ceiling.
"Pisseur de copie. It means that he pisses hack journalism, it means he urinates frightful prose."
—A Far Cry from Kensington
Everybody stopped talking except Masie Young who decided to finish what she was saying to me about the universe. She sat with her crippled leg in its irons stuck out in front of her, which indeed did give her a sort of right to hold forth longer than anybody else. —Loitering with Intent
Muriel Spark was lucky in that she lived a full life. She was unlucky in her book covers, which seem to be competing for the title of Most Ghastly Muriel Spark Cover.
This is the end of my appreciation of Muriel Spark. Here are some of the ghastly covers I mentioned:

Index of past entries
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02-13-2007
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Stop comparing things to punk rock
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12-31-2006
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But we climb the stairs everyday
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12-28-2006
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Accidentally Famous Dullard Best Known for Pardoning Crook Healed Nation, Nation Told by Media
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11-07-2006
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Down for the Dem ladies
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10-03-2006
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Why you don't want to watch a DVD with me after I've smoked marijuana, which I regularly get from Alfred Hoffington, of 8722 18th Ave NE, Seattle, WA, 98103
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08-20-2006
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Does your trash can need batteries?
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08-06-2006
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Four generalizations about New Yorkers
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05-21-2006
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Muriel Spark
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04-22-2006
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Maya Lin: Don't touch the particle board
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03-26-2006
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My version of bible education
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03-08-2006
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Dental surgery with the oldies
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02-16-2006
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Junkie brother in China
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02-02-2006
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True, shameful story
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01-02-2006
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Rough start to the year
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12-26-2005
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That Narnia movie
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10-31-2005
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Plamegate metaphor of the day, from Tim Dempsey
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09-17-2005
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Another question and follow-up question from my daughter
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09-01-2005
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Real American hero
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08-24-2005
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This just happened
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08-18-2005
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Morning bus tale
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08-01-2005
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A question, and a follow-up question, from my five-year-old daughter
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07-25-2005
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A biker who hates bikers
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07-11-2005
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Great news for Star Wars fans
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06-28-2005
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The invaluableness of gay eyewear
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06-16-2005
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Viva Le Robbie Fulks
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06-09-2005
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Angry Dale Chihuly dealers
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05-26-2005
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WTF is an up or down vote?
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05-18-2005
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Sweet Isabella Carbonell
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04-25-2005
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MoMA and the Mob
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04-05-2005
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The world mourns. Not.
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The Daily Hammer Archive
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