August 20, 2006

Does your trash can need batteries? Mine does. And you persist in thinking this is a point of advantage for you.
      To widen the debate, which you are doomed to lose, let me ask you this: Does your trash can look like a robot? Aha! See, I've got you. It doesn't, does it? Because—and I'm sure you saw this coming, dim witted as you are—mine does.
      It not only looks like a robot, it is a robot, pretty much. A garbage-eating robot. A garbage-eating robot that is my bitch. And yours, too, if you are lucky enough to be invited to my house. If I want my garbage-eating robot bitch to eat my garbage, I just wave my garbage in front of its electric eye and it opens its big bitch mouth and I drop my garbage in. And then I feel really good about myself.
      For about five seconds anyway. Before the Dread comes back like an invisible fog.
      See? I win. You lose. The end.